Café de l'ovalie

Citation : from the Leicester Tigers website forum and the person under the name of 'Ze Stade Fan' is a regular and popular contributor.

Post subject: mud wrestling in pink gear - a tale of winter rugby

Sublime tigers. As you may know, the French like to do about everything in merry weather: they play, work, shop, demonstrate or chop kings’ heads under the sun. France being a fairly rainy country after all, the national passion for strikes can partly be explained by that. In the domain of rugby, the sun is said to enable the “running game” where the wingers run the ball while the forwards bite their opponents’ ears off, away from the ref’s attentions.

The winter season empties the stadiums by a half and when the French see on TV some Scottish supporters singing during the Old Firm with nothing to warm up their tummies but a dozen pints of beer, they nod in disbelief and shut the door of the pub to keep the cigarette smoke in. Winter rugby is indeed the thing for aficionados.

The scene features the Western curve of Stade Jean-Bouin, at night, under lashes of cold rain. A group of rain soaked supporters cling desperately to the fiction of their passion for wet rugby. The noise of the raindrops on the idle drums sounds like a low, grumpy growl. On the pitch, two teams of fifteen players, equally covered in mud, try to make the display as uninteresting as a late game in the Welsh football championship, after the championship is won.

Ze Stade Fan: “Atchoo!”

Ze Pink Fan: “Bless ya!”

West Curve Fan: “I’m cold.”

Minifan: “I’m bored!”

Ze Stade Fan: “I’m sick!”

Ze Pink Fan: “Good pass!”

West Curve Fan: “Knock-on. Again.”

Ze Stade Fan: “Holy cow! Five scrums in three minutes!”

Ze Pink Fan: “Three minutes? Looks like a whole night!”

West Curve Fan: “Sweet Mary, the mud is so slippery, their studs don’t even dig in.”

Ze Stade Fan: “I’m sick, I’m wet, I’m bored and the front rows are grazing the turf again.”

Ze Pink Fan: “You mean the mud. How ‘bout singing? Like, to warm up a bit?”

West Curve Fan: “have you got a tune for -What’s for lunch?”

Minifan: “Look, handbags! A fistfight!”

Ze Stade Fan: “Where? That? Naye, they’re just slapping each other’s back to wring out the water!”

West Curve Fan: “What’s the ref calling? Seen that move before?”

Ze Pink Fan: “Nope.”

Ze Stade Fan: “I think they call that “beating the cold out of one’s chest”. It means “find yerself another ref, I’m dying of pneumonia.”

Franck “daddy-bear” L., chief of the curve: “Boys, are you falling asleep or what? Sing, for Pete’s sake, or we’re all gonna snooze to death!”

Ze Stade Fan “AtchooooOOOO”

West Curve Fan : “Cough! Cough!”

Minifan: “Sigh…”

Ze Pink Fan: “Snoooorrrre…”

Franck “daddy-bear” L.: “In other words: either you sing now or I’ll kick you so hard you’ll land right into the prawn sandwiches!”

Ze Stade Fan: “Ooooool’man riveeeeer, dat oooooool’ man river…”

West Curve Fan: “But I can’t heeeeelp, falling in loooooove with you…!”

Ze Pink Fan: “When you ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, that’s amooore!”

Minifan: “Saint Quentin, you’ve been livin’ hell for me…”

Franck Daddy-Bear L.: “Shut up! Can’t you sing the same tune on the same tempo, in the same key?”

Ze Stade Fan: “Right. Here we go. There’s only one...”

Minifan: “There’s only one…”

West Curve Fan: "There’s only one…”

Ze Pink fan: “There’s only one who, where? They’re all dropping the ball as if it was red hot steel.”

Minifan: “Look, handbangs! That’s for real, this time!”

Ze Stade Fan: “Horrible, we’re all disgusted by that. Good uppercut.”

Ze Pink Fan: “Absolutely. Game in disrepute and so on. Nice jab. Goan Rémy, whack your man!”

Western Curve Fan: “Sad to see a second row punching a scrum half. Goan Terry, keep biting that big sloth.”

Minifan : “I thought he was trying to get rid of the ball.”

Ze Stade Fan: “It’s Terry Bourahoua, the scrum-half. Rugby footballs don’t bite. And they’re taller. Horrible display, I am shocked, what? This is it, goan ! Left, left, uppercut, and a quick jab, goan Mathieu! Hm. Looks like a red card. Our ref is overreacting. Will only fan the fire.”

Ze Pink Fan: “We can’t sing, can we? That would be a disgrace to encourage a brawl.”

West Curve Fan: “Cynical. A shame for the sport.”

Ze Stade Fan: “Absolutely. To the tune of My Darling Clementine. With the drum on the offbeat. Let’s go.”

All together: “Who’s your father, who’s your father, who’s your father referee?”

Ze Pink Fan: “Terrible song. Shame on me.»

Western Curve : « On me too. You don’t have one, you ain’t got none.”

All together: “You’re a censored refereeeeeee!”
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English definition of fair play : "to lose with a smile when the English win." French definition of fair play : "help him up after you gouged his eyes."